Seeing we've been discussing paying people for services* and the professional relationships we have with these people; I thought I should tell you about the time when I was in year 11 and my girlfriends and I went to work in a Juice Stand at a festival. The festival was geared towards the bohemian and the free-spirited. It was a place for people to be free and happy and clothing was, if not discouraged, optional... Our juice-boss’s juicing machines were rigged up to bicycles. As there was no electricity at the festival, we powered the blenders by peddling the bikes. Oranges, bananas, strawberries in, peddle, peddle, peddle, voila, bon appétit!
Anyway, as I said, nakedness. Everywhere. Yes, I did it. Only once, on the last day, when we had gone for a swim. If I told you it was amazing and liberating would you hold it against me?
No? Good.
Yes? Boo!!
Anyway, like I said, clothing was optional and mostly people were only naked when they were swimming and would dress when eating, singing or say, buying juice.
No? Good.
Yes? Boo!!
Anyway, like I said, clothing was optional and mostly people were only naked when they were swimming and would dress when eating, singing or say, buying juice.
Mostly.
There was this one guy who chose to be naked ALL. THE. TIME. Eating? Naked. Running? Naked. Perusing the market? Naked. Buying juice at the Juice stall? You guessed it, naked. And look, this was fine with me. Clearly. I wouldn’t have gone if it wasn’t. The thing that made this all a little bit uncomfortable was the fact that this guy was actually my orthodontist and had been in close and direct contact with my mouth and face for about the preceding 4 years.
One morning he had come to the juice stand for his morning orange juice and it was just me doing the morning shift, so I simply couldn’t avoid him. I was a little flustered but you know, I eased up when he asked to look in my mouth and see if there was any movement in my teeth since my braces had been off…..I kid you not.
If that wasn’t awkward enough for you, please, read on.
The weather was nuts that summer. It was about 40 degrees and I was dirty, hot and peddling my arse off for hours a day and pennies in pay. And when I said dirty just now, I meant dirty. At most festivals, B.Y.O alcohol is prohibited, at this one, the illicit substance was soap…
Anyway I guess my immune system was having a tough time fighting off all that no soap allows. Well, that combined with the heat and the sight of hundreds of naked bodies in all their glories, shapes, sizes and varying degrees of hairiness, made my tummy a little bit upset to say the least.
So I was peddling the shit out of that little bike, absurdly hot and trying desperately hard not to look down, when all of a sudden I started to feel reallllllly nauseas. When it finally became allI too much from me, I ripped the blender jug off the front of the bike and vomited directly in front of me and directly onto my naked orthodontist's, (surprisingly) shoed feet.
Needless to say, neither of us mentioned the festival the next time I had my teeth checked, and I pretended that I had never ever even come remotely close to vomiting on his penis.
Hahaha. Liking on people=funny blog. Always. Also: nakedness.
How old were you when this went down?!
I meant "puking" not "liking"... Stupid iPad
Forgiveness please
Emerson, I had just turned 18 when I projectile 'liked' all over the poor, naked guy's shoes. Congrats again on being B.O.Ned... good to see you haven't forgotten the little guy.... or gal as would be the case here :)
I'll be your best friend forever if you could please send the B.O.Ner fairies over my way. Tar!
Wow! I'm guessing having one's penis vomited upon is not the reaction most men would opt for. However, being that you had to look at your naked orthodontist daily for the duration of the fair sort of evens out that whole messy equation! ...The B.O.Ner fairies are on their way just you wait and see.
-The Ranter's Box
www.rantersbox.blogspot.com
Ranter's Box, you are just so lovely !
What made matters worse was that I knew this guy's daughter.... To this day, I don't know if she knew what daddy liked to do in his spare time....
That sounded weirder than I intended it to, or maybe it didn't?
x
Oh my God this was EPIC! Too funny girl! But seriously? WHY WOULD YOU GO BACK TO HIM?!?! Aren't there other orthondontist's in your neck o' the woods? LMAO
Annah - Well, I grew up in a small town- not too many orthodontists around these parts- one couldn't be too picky !!
Also- Did that cure you of your blind love for Kanye West? I sure do hope so!
Boner fairies. Hahaha....
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